I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize