Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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