I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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