it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize