he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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