i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
