my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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