i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
soo... how was my night?
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