I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
