Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
