im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
