It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
