What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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