I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
