SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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