I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize