Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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