My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's rum buckets o'clock
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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