So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
