yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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