We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
