im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
