your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
