My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
