It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
