just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
