Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
