it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
