Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
