if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
