Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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