Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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