His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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