Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
