My friends, they love my intelligence
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No subtext here. People are naked.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
