Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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