The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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