Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
