HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
