he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
