Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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