clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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