I'm so fucking centered right now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
