Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
