im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
