just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
