just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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