The maid of honor just puked.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I bet he comes in French.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
