Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
