trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
