like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
