i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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