is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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