Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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