god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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