Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
