A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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