Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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