what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
