I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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