Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
